Change is in the air

I haven't posted in a little while but I feel like my life has changed overnight.

As much as I have stated my independence and desire to never have children or a significant other - dating or marriage - it seems that fate may have gotten the better of me. SR had to come into my life. He knows that I had no desire to ever be in a relationship and he kind of felt the same way. Funny how that works. I was happy with how my life was but now it's so much richer. I didn't think I could be happier than I was. I'm so excited to see where my life is headed.

Vacation!

Actually, it's more like a staycation. One of the perks of being PRN is that I get to make my own schedule. The basic rule of thumb is: you work, you get paid; you don't work, you don't get paid. Obviously, it's a lot more beneficial to be on the working side but, at times, one must look at their workload and decide if they need a break. This couldn't come at a better time for me. After last week's awful mishaps, I think a break is in order.

My friend, JM, is coming in tomorrow for four days. I made sure not to schedule any on call shifts and am taking Thursday and Friday off. I'm so excited to have some time to explore this city. JM did a lot of research too and sent me a list of some possible fun things to do. However, I am choosing to ignore the Wildflower Center and beach volleyball. No thanks. I am excited though about going to a preserve and seeing peacocks ... or peafowl as the website keeps saying. Luckily, JM doesn't get in until 11:20 tomorrow, so I'll get to sleep in. Thank goodness, I'm sooooo exhausted. All this work tires a gal out.

Stay tuned to hear about my adventures this week!

It's been a rough week

The Life of a PRN Social Worker

Hospital social work includes so many different aspects. Generally, there is a social worker for every floor/department. Depending on the hospital, you may have two social workers for a department. Here's the thing... hospitals don't close. You never get to say "Sorry, we're closed, please come back in the morning", and people never have their emergencies at reasonable hours! So hospital coverage out here in terms of social work looks something like this: full time social workers work Monday-Friday from 9am-430pm. Yes, they are working 7.5 hours including lunch. That's pretty swell. But that's definitely not a normal schedule for them to get off at 430 because, like I said, people don't plan their emegencies ... and doctors love to discharge patients as soon as you're wrapping up your day. Now, the hospital has to be covered 24/365. So what happens during those other times. Enter the PRN social worker. The hospitals are then covered by either oncall shifts (every night and, for some hospitals, weekend days) or onsite coverage (busier hospitals on the weekends). And if any of the full time social workers call in sick or goes on vacation, PRN social workers will cover their department. We're like substitute social workers.

I love being on call but I also miss having a regular schedule. I love working in the ED (emergency department) and seeing the psych crises that come through and being able to help the patients. What I don't like is the uncertainty of my future. We schedule one month in advance and never know what the following month will bring. In December, I had four days and four nights. That's it. While I enjoy free time, I still need to be able to pay my bills. It's always a feast or famine approach. I can't deal with that. I need hours. Some of the other PRN social workers are married and have another income or they have a full time job. I'm trying to get a full time job with this hospital network so it doesn't make sense for me to get another job to just quit in a couple months. I tend to sign up for all the shifts I can just in case the next month is a repeat of December. So far I've been lucky. The only downside is that it takes up ALL my time. Currently, I'm involved in a pilot program at a newer hospital trying to determine if there is enough need to warrant the hiring of a full time social worker for the ED and perinatal services (babies!). This means that I'm getting to work full time ... however, my future is not guaranteed. They could say that there isn't enough work and then I'm back to square one.

In order to compensate for the uncertainty, I've been signing up for on call shifts just to give me a little cash cushion ... and I'm losing sleep and free time. I was on call last night and spent the majority of the night in the ED. I'm glad I was there and was able to help those patients but I'm now operating on three hours of sleep.... and working all day. Normally, I could probably deal with this but ....... I'm on call again tonight and working all day tomorrow. Yay? I'll survive, I know that much. I'll definitely sleep great tomorrow night though! What I've noticed lately is that it affects my social life and reinforces my hermit lifestyle. In anticipation of being called in, I go to bed ridiculously early. For example, tonight I will wash my hair as soon as I get home and probably be in bed by 5pm. Doesn't really leave a lot of room for social gatherings.

And it's these social gatherings that are so important to combat job fatigue and the risks of burnout. I moved out here to Podunkville on a whim and am slowly making friends which has been good. One friend that I have been hanging out a lot with is a night shift nurse. This has a tendency to affect when we can hang out. They only work, on average, three nights a week. But if I've picked up on call shifts, it limits the overlapping free time. I've started to notice how important hanging out with friends can be. I think it's taken for granted a lot of times but it's so vital for ones health. The question comes down to where is one willing to make adjustments in their life for the sake of their health? Is this why social work burnout is so high? We pour ourselves into work without taking the time to focus on ourselves? Our work can directly impact people's lives, more attention needs to be paid to our health so that we can provide the best for our clients. I'm starting to feel like something's got to give ....

Men - Who Needs Them?

Apparently me.

Or rather, I need to become skilled in all those little areas one doesn't concern themselves with growing up. Either way, something has to give.

Two years ago after I ended a nasty relationship, I decided that I am better off alone. I have stated, quite vehemently at times, that I have absolutely no desire to ever be married or in a relationship for that matter. The fact that I don't have a desire to have kids makes this an easy decision. I've grown accustomed to the looks when people hear this - after all, it goes against nature, right? Isn't the role of women to grow up, get married, and repopulate the Earth? Wake up people; it's 2011. There are more than enough children out there wanting to be adopted and more than enough people who are having kids (mind you, some of these people shouldn't be) that I don't think my personal choice will really have a large impact on our future. I've heard all too many times: "You just haven't found the right guy" or "Just give it time". No, not for me. The idea of spending my life with one person is enough to drive me mad. I was known as the one date wonder in college - you expect me to last 50+ years? Ha.

Now, I was carrying on in my independent life quite successfully. I have made some friends in my new town. Well, I thought one was a friend until it became obvious he was trying to date me. I put the kibosh on that one. Apparently he thought my view was a challenge. So imagine my surprise when I found myself in situations without a clue what to do and wishing I had a guy in my life....

1) My car died - twice. And not your normal car died and you just asked the stranger next to you to jumpstart it. Died as in violently shook and keeled over. If I was back home, simple solution - call my dad or brother. 500 miles away makes this slightly more difficult. Solution - call your insurance company and have it towed and hope to find rides to and from work.

2) The automatic garage door no longer opens. No big deal since we don't park our cars in there anyway (oh gosh, that would have been a nightmare). Wait, that's where our massive trashcans are ... and full. No big deal, it manually opens .... until you try and it doesn't. I don't even know where to start in fixing that - I honestly stared at it for awhile hoping it would magically fix itself. It didn't. I had to drag our massive trashcan through the house to take it to the curb. No bueno.

3) My DVR has suddenly stopped working. It worked last night. It does not work today. I know that there's a customer service number or some junk like that but it's the weekend and they always give you a crappy time frame of when they'll be at your house requiring you to take the entire day off of work. That doesn't work for me. I don't get days off.

And there have been other situations which aren't on the level of these - more of annoyances like car registration and oil changes and mowing the grass. Those I can just suck up and do myself. But these three are not fun for a single gal. I am working very hard on trying to fight the typical gender roles but I can recognize that the male gender tends to have an uncanny knack for figuring these things out (the car problems I know will be hit or miss). My solutions have been to just stare at the problem and then walk away but that isn't actually fixing it.

I wonder if there's a How To Be a Guy class offered anywhere?

Time in the ED

Today was .... chaotic, nonstop, never ending, insane. I didn't even have a chance to go to the bathroom. I was in the ED all day long but I loved it. I never thought that psych would be where I found a passion but I have. I love working on call at night because I know that if I get called in it's for that. Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective, Bipolar Disorder, Suicide Attempts, active hallucinations and delusions - these are all my usual calls. I really thought that I would detest psych and even passed on a job interview because of that but I feel like I have found a department where I fit. I love oncology but I'd be happy in the ED or a psych ward too ..... as a social worker, not a patient.

Hmm, maybe I should go back to school for psychiatry instead of PhD in social work??

Tales from the Trenches....

Let's have story time, shall we? How about the story of the social worker who had a long night in the emergency department that included said social worker having a breakdown? That sounds like a good one .....

When I'm on call at night, I cover more than one hospital in the area. On this particular night, I received a call to one of the emergency departments (ED) asking me to come in because they had a patient who was brought in by the police for a suicide attempt. He was at the ED under a 72 hour mandatory hold and needed to be transferred to a psychiatric facility which is the job for the social worker. As I headed out to the ED, I got a call from a children's hospital asking me to go there and talk with a family that was having a really hard time coping. Generally, the only reason I get called to the children's hospital is for a death. I really didn't know what was going on because the person who called me in wasn't the best at answering my questions.

Whenever, I get called for multiple patients, I have to triage (prioritize) them. The children's hospital becomes top priority. I called the ED and let them know that I was headed their way but I had to go to the children's hospital first. The clerk at the ED said ok and then asked me how long I was going to be. Are you kidding me? People in the hospital know that death is the reason you go to the children's hospital 99% of the time at night. They didn't need to know the reason why I was going to the children's hospital, they only needed to know that I was going. I t was completely unbelievable that they were asking me how long I was going to be.

Anyway, I shrugged it off and kept on my way. Five minutes later, the ED doc called and said they knew I was going to the children's hospital and wanted to know how long I was going to be. I simply answered I didn't know and I would get there as soon as possible. I went to the children's hospital and met with the family. After spending time with them, I said a prayer and thanked God for my career and helping me find what I truly believe I'm called to do.

As I drove to the ED, I got ANOTHER call asking how long I would be. Now this is what gets me, the ED clerk was calling and said I know you're at ******* but we just want to know how long you're going to be. There is a good chance that everyone at the ED thinks I'm dealing with a death which then means that they know they are interrupting me. Could you be any more inconsiderate? I stated I was on my way and then hung up on them. Yep, I did.

I walked into the ED and the first thing I hear is "You're FINALLY here".

To which I promptly responded:

"I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure I let you know that I had to go to ******* because I have to triage my cases and that one took priority. I let you know that I was going to be here as soon as possible and, yet, you called several times asking me how long I would be. Tell you what, the next time this happens, I'll pass the phone to the parents of the kiddo and you can ask them to hurry up their kid's death so you don't have to wait. Or better yet, why don't you just tell them to take their kid out back and shoot them? That would probably get me here faster."

**Awkward silence**

Yes, yes, I did.