Oh, boy...

Starting to wonder if now is when I should start panicking.

Stupid research, capstone, colloquium, and case presentation.

I'm going to go for a long run tomorrow and see if it helps.

2 months and 18 days left...

I'm starting to think the biggest challenge of grad school is the stupid research project. I started stressing about Colloquium when I applied to Baylor which has now managed to turn into anxiety attacks whenever I sit down to write my paper. I'm so terrified of presenting in May. I wish this was all a bad dream.

All I Can Say...

I cannot wait until I graduate. Seriously. And I think grad students lie to grad students behind them in school so that they don't lose hope and give up. My first semester everyone ahead of me said don't worry this is the hardest semester. Then, the second semester was harder. I was told not to worry because it was really the hardest one. Third semester was insane with the amount of work. And here I am now, in my final semester. I feel so overwhelmed with school work. I'm burnt out. And everyone said this one was the easiest. I also understand that I have more work than the other students in my cohort because my supervisor thought it would be a good learning tool for me to write process recordings each week. Good grief. I also have a weekly log and a research paper. But those are the manageable things. What is killing me are the process recordings and a paper I'm working on for internship.

I cannot wait to graduate. I cannot wait to be done with papers. I cannot wait to be done with process recordings. I cannot wait to be done with journals. Or research papers. Or homework. Or Capstone.

I cannot wait to sleep. I cannot wait to have a life. I cannot wait to be able to practice social work without being micro managed.

3 months 6 days

The End of a Road...

Today is my last day of classes for the semester. I have so many mixed feelings about this. I am so excited for what the future holds and so excited to start my internship but I'm really sad to move out of Waco. When I graduated from undergrad almost five years ago, I took a job where I ended up living out of two suitcases for three years. THREE YEARS. I moved around a lot and worked a ton of hours. I did not have time for a social life and my tendency to be introverted and fear of strangers really prevented me from making a lot of friends. Then I started at Baylor. Everyone was in the same boat and I made friends .. or I guess friends made me but that was really okay with me. I have so many great friends here that I know that I could count on and talk to. I did not have a lot of time to hang out with them but I really appreciated getting to know all of these wonderful people. And so this part of my journey ends and a new one starts. I am so incredibly excited to start anew but so hesitant about what awaits me.

And so I moved all of my stuff into storage on Saturday and am now living in a vacant apartment like a hobo. Last night, I came to the conclusion that my concrete floors are not comfortable to sit on for hours on end. But this is just a temporary arrangement. I'll be heading out of town soon. I can't wait to hear about the adventures and experiences of my friends and I can't wait to see them all again in April.

Today was the last time ...

I registered for classes for graduate school! I have six months left until I am completely done. Wow, time is flying by. I think I've managed to get a somewhat okay hold on my stress right now. But I also have a paper due tomorrow that I have not begun to write and it's 9:32 PM. I'm not going to bother writing it tonight either. Technically, I have until midnight on Friday. I'll do it tomorrow.

I've been doing a lot of reading to prepare me for my internship next semester. Right now, I'm reading 135 days with Elena - Notes Left Behind about a 6 yr old with diffused brainstem glioma. I am constantly amazed by the strength of children and the knowledge that they possess when they are sick. It's been a tough read but really insightful. It's written by her mother and father as a journal for her little sister to remember her by. It is full of raw emotions and all the questions that no one wants to ask or thoughts that people are too afraid to voice. It's really good. I need to get around to booking my flight up to Baltimore in December for orientation. I'm getting more and more excited about it but still having trouble realizing how incredibly amazing this is. I mean, who all can say that they interned at Johns Hopkins? Really, that's some craziness right there. I've also been playing around looking at different places for rent in case I do end up with a job there after I graduate. I found a couple of cute apartments/townhomes that are for rent. I do know that I don't want a place that has the typical apartment feel to it. I want an apartment home. Preferably a townhome or rowhouse to be exact. I'm excited to have a grown up life with a grown up place. I have a great place right now but I'm still in graduate school and have some furniture that can be upgraded to grown up. I'm excited :-) I keep thinking about different goals too. I think I'm going to look into Spanish classes too so that I can work on becoming fluent. It's always helpful to be able to speak more than one language.

And in other news, I had some Start First groups today at a middle school. Start First is an in school violence prevention education program that teaches students positive coping skills to some of the negative behaviors that they might be seeing at home or in their community. Today, I was working with a group of seventh grade boys and asking them when they think of their ideal girl that they would want to go with, what does she look like? Well, I started hearing responses like, "wears glasses", "brown hair", "earrings", "brown shoes", and other very descriptive qualities that described how I look today. Ha! I was flattered and made them focus on inner qualities that they would like. They're really sweet kids. Always a joy to work with.