What a girl wants ..

I don't know if it's because my birthday is coming up or what it is but I'm ready to settle down and have a family. I don't know why but I've just had really strong feelings lately about what I want. It could also be just that I finally feel like I can move on from my past relationship. I'm still scared about the idea of another relationship just because the last one was so bad. I truly thought that he was a genuinely nice guy but that was definitely not who he was. I know that I've grown and I know what I want in a relationship but I'm still scared to open myself up for someone new. I just feel conflicted right now I guess. I definitely want a family with a husband and kids but I don't feel as though I'm ready to put myself out there. I hate to say it but my next relationship will in some part be paying for the mistakes of my last relationship. My hope though is that my hesitations will just make my next relationship better and stronger. I know this is rambling but oh well these are my thoughts. So yeah, I guess I'm ready to date again ... I deserve a genuinely nice guy and I'm not settling for what I want either.

More thoughts..

I just finished watching The Family Stone. It's a romantic movie but it doesn't have the happy ending that you would expect. I think that it's a great movie because it's a good reminder that you don't have to have "the perfect ending", you just need to find the one that's right for you. Sure, a lawyer that makes enough for me to stay home and raise our 6 kids would be awesome but I have to find what's right for me.

I thought more about what I need and, given the craptastic night I had tonight, I think it's important for me to find someone that kind of sets me off balance ... or balances me out, however you want to think about it. I'm an ISFJ on the Meyers-Briggs Type Inventory. I'm actually quite high for the I (Introverted - I'm 78/100). So I need someone who's lower on the I or maybe really low on E (Extroverted). I feel that maybe one of the things that coincides with I is the need to be independent and keep everything inside. I don't want to burden anyone with my problems but I can't keep everything bottled up inside forever, it's not healthy. I need someone who will support me when I'm having a bad day. I don't need to be told that I deserve something or that I need to get thicker skin. It would be great to have someone that listens to me vent and says something like you're right, that guy is a jerk or that stinks, something that validates my feelings. I don't want constant validation .. just when I'm having a crappy day. Sometime it's nice to feel like I'm in the right .. even if I might not be. And sometimes, I really need a hug. It'd be really nice to have a husband who can sense when I need a hug and wraps me in his arms without saying anything.

Best Wishes, Melissa and John!

Last night, my friend, Melissa, got married. It was a beautiful wedding. John's dad was the minister and gave such a wonderful sermon and even choked up a little bit. The reception was a lot of fun too. I love going to weddings and just getting tons of ideas for my own .... some day!! I should be a pro by the time mine rolls around :-) But I really do think about what my life will be like down the road. A couple of months ago, I got out of an unhealthy relationship. They say hindsight is 20/20 and, yes, looking back there were several red flags that I should have seen early on but I refuse to sit around and think what if? I can admit that I was hurt but on the bright side, I have really thought about what I am looking for in a relationship. We tell the women at work to set standards and not to settle, so why shouldn't I? I don't think that I'm ready to date right now but when I am ....

I want:
- a man who will accept me - hopes and fears and everything - without judging.
- a man who is supportive of me and my dreams.
- a man who will kiss me goodbye in the mornings and hello in the evenings.
- a man who will sit around and do absolutely nothing with me and still have a good time.
- a man who will kill all the bugs and check on the things that go bump in the night.
- a man who can't wait to introduce me to his family.
- a man who loves kids and kids love him.
- a man with goals and aspirations of his own.
- a man who wants to raise a family in the church and realizes the importance of faith.
- a man that I can have deep conversations with and not argue over trivial things.
- a man that when I feel sick and awful can still look at me in a way that makes me feel sexy.
- a man that doesn't need reminders for special days.
- a man that will treat me like his equal and the love of his life.
- a man who understands the importance of family dinners.

And when I do find that special someone, I've got some great date ideas! Ha! Ashley and I were thinking about random things the other day and came up with these ...

1) sunset at Lake Waco with Sonic drinks
2) kayaking on the Bosque River
3) bike ride
4) walking the riverwalk at sunset
5) Practically Pikasso

And Ashley and I aren't waiting for any guys to come along for these dates! We're going to try them out ... taking our dogs to the lake to play and about to start bike riding all over Waco!