The Life of a PRN Social Worker

Hospital social work includes so many different aspects. Generally, there is a social worker for every floor/department. Depending on the hospital, you may have two social workers for a department. Here's the thing... hospitals don't close. You never get to say "Sorry, we're closed, please come back in the morning", and people never have their emergencies at reasonable hours! So hospital coverage out here in terms of social work looks something like this: full time social workers work Monday-Friday from 9am-430pm. Yes, they are working 7.5 hours including lunch. That's pretty swell. But that's definitely not a normal schedule for them to get off at 430 because, like I said, people don't plan their emegencies ... and doctors love to discharge patients as soon as you're wrapping up your day. Now, the hospital has to be covered 24/365. So what happens during those other times. Enter the PRN social worker. The hospitals are then covered by either oncall shifts (every night and, for some hospitals, weekend days) or onsite coverage (busier hospitals on the weekends). And if any of the full time social workers call in sick or goes on vacation, PRN social workers will cover their department. We're like substitute social workers.

I love being on call but I also miss having a regular schedule. I love working in the ED (emergency department) and seeing the psych crises that come through and being able to help the patients. What I don't like is the uncertainty of my future. We schedule one month in advance and never know what the following month will bring. In December, I had four days and four nights. That's it. While I enjoy free time, I still need to be able to pay my bills. It's always a feast or famine approach. I can't deal with that. I need hours. Some of the other PRN social workers are married and have another income or they have a full time job. I'm trying to get a full time job with this hospital network so it doesn't make sense for me to get another job to just quit in a couple months. I tend to sign up for all the shifts I can just in case the next month is a repeat of December. So far I've been lucky. The only downside is that it takes up ALL my time. Currently, I'm involved in a pilot program at a newer hospital trying to determine if there is enough need to warrant the hiring of a full time social worker for the ED and perinatal services (babies!). This means that I'm getting to work full time ... however, my future is not guaranteed. They could say that there isn't enough work and then I'm back to square one.

In order to compensate for the uncertainty, I've been signing up for on call shifts just to give me a little cash cushion ... and I'm losing sleep and free time. I was on call last night and spent the majority of the night in the ED. I'm glad I was there and was able to help those patients but I'm now operating on three hours of sleep.... and working all day. Normally, I could probably deal with this but ....... I'm on call again tonight and working all day tomorrow. Yay? I'll survive, I know that much. I'll definitely sleep great tomorrow night though! What I've noticed lately is that it affects my social life and reinforces my hermit lifestyle. In anticipation of being called in, I go to bed ridiculously early. For example, tonight I will wash my hair as soon as I get home and probably be in bed by 5pm. Doesn't really leave a lot of room for social gatherings.

And it's these social gatherings that are so important to combat job fatigue and the risks of burnout. I moved out here to Podunkville on a whim and am slowly making friends which has been good. One friend that I have been hanging out a lot with is a night shift nurse. This has a tendency to affect when we can hang out. They only work, on average, three nights a week. But if I've picked up on call shifts, it limits the overlapping free time. I've started to notice how important hanging out with friends can be. I think it's taken for granted a lot of times but it's so vital for ones health. The question comes down to where is one willing to make adjustments in their life for the sake of their health? Is this why social work burnout is so high? We pour ourselves into work without taking the time to focus on ourselves? Our work can directly impact people's lives, more attention needs to be paid to our health so that we can provide the best for our clients. I'm starting to feel like something's got to give ....

Men - Who Needs Them?

Apparently me.

Or rather, I need to become skilled in all those little areas one doesn't concern themselves with growing up. Either way, something has to give.

Two years ago after I ended a nasty relationship, I decided that I am better off alone. I have stated, quite vehemently at times, that I have absolutely no desire to ever be married or in a relationship for that matter. The fact that I don't have a desire to have kids makes this an easy decision. I've grown accustomed to the looks when people hear this - after all, it goes against nature, right? Isn't the role of women to grow up, get married, and repopulate the Earth? Wake up people; it's 2011. There are more than enough children out there wanting to be adopted and more than enough people who are having kids (mind you, some of these people shouldn't be) that I don't think my personal choice will really have a large impact on our future. I've heard all too many times: "You just haven't found the right guy" or "Just give it time". No, not for me. The idea of spending my life with one person is enough to drive me mad. I was known as the one date wonder in college - you expect me to last 50+ years? Ha.

Now, I was carrying on in my independent life quite successfully. I have made some friends in my new town. Well, I thought one was a friend until it became obvious he was trying to date me. I put the kibosh on that one. Apparently he thought my view was a challenge. So imagine my surprise when I found myself in situations without a clue what to do and wishing I had a guy in my life....

1) My car died - twice. And not your normal car died and you just asked the stranger next to you to jumpstart it. Died as in violently shook and keeled over. If I was back home, simple solution - call my dad or brother. 500 miles away makes this slightly more difficult. Solution - call your insurance company and have it towed and hope to find rides to and from work.

2) The automatic garage door no longer opens. No big deal since we don't park our cars in there anyway (oh gosh, that would have been a nightmare). Wait, that's where our massive trashcans are ... and full. No big deal, it manually opens .... until you try and it doesn't. I don't even know where to start in fixing that - I honestly stared at it for awhile hoping it would magically fix itself. It didn't. I had to drag our massive trashcan through the house to take it to the curb. No bueno.

3) My DVR has suddenly stopped working. It worked last night. It does not work today. I know that there's a customer service number or some junk like that but it's the weekend and they always give you a crappy time frame of when they'll be at your house requiring you to take the entire day off of work. That doesn't work for me. I don't get days off.

And there have been other situations which aren't on the level of these - more of annoyances like car registration and oil changes and mowing the grass. Those I can just suck up and do myself. But these three are not fun for a single gal. I am working very hard on trying to fight the typical gender roles but I can recognize that the male gender tends to have an uncanny knack for figuring these things out (the car problems I know will be hit or miss). My solutions have been to just stare at the problem and then walk away but that isn't actually fixing it.

I wonder if there's a How To Be a Guy class offered anywhere?

Tired of the same old

Hmm.

Different hair color? New tattoo? Different hair color? New tattoo?

Eenie Meenie Minie Mo

Snow

Yesterday, the weather was a balmy 16 degrees, and we received 5-6 inches of snowfall. My friend, Cupcake, was having a game night at her place in Alexandria, and I was not about to let a little snowfall stop me from going. After all, I had made a king cake just for the occasion (even if it was my worst king cake to date - I blame the dough). While Cupcake is only 45 minutes from where I'm living, it took a little longer to get there because the roads had not been properly cleared. This means that I had a lot of time to think. And, boy, did I think.

I love snow. Seriously. I could sit in a window for hours watching it fall and blanket the earth. There is a serene, calmness that comes with fresh snowfall. It's incredible. I love standing outside with the snow falling around me listening to the .. well, nothing. It's an experience that is very hard to articulate. I love how the snow crunches under your shoes and makes your feet sink as you walk. I love the fact that in the middle of the night, it's still light out because the snow is reflecting light. I love that with snow there is a sense of innocence and rebirth. I just plain love snow.

I know that I tell people here that I hate it but really what I hate is snowfall in the city. It doesn't have the same effect on me as snowfall out in rural areas. It has the opposite effect in fact. It's dirty and brown and disgusting. I don't like walking in it, and I don't like seeing it. It doesn't stay fresh and innocent as long as the rural snow does. It only lasts about a day ... or until the plow trucks and sidewalk people begin clearing it all.

But rural snowfall has a strong hold on me. It has the ability to bring me to tears and fill me with amazement, awe, and reverence. I love this effect it has on me and, at most times, I can hold back the tears. I'm amazed that something like snow can have such an effect on me. The beauty of it can take my breath away. And it makes me feel alive. On the way home from Cupcake's last night, I was tempted to take a detour into the District and walk the National Mall nevermind it was midnight. The National Mall covered in snow was one of the most gorgeous sights I have ever seen. Again, I was filled with amazement and reverence and felt alive. I had to remind myself that taking a detour in 16 degree weather to walk through snow when not properly attired was not the smartest decision so I drove on. Between Baltimore and DC, there is the Baltimore-Washington Parkway (original, I know). It's designated as a state park so there aren't any buildings along the drive - just trees and nature. My drive last night was so beautiful. I was tempted many times to pull over and walk through the new fallen snow but had to continuously remind myself that it wasn't a smart idea. I drove along in deep thought about the fact that something like this could make me feel alive in a way I didn't know.

Then I began to realize that snow is not the only thing to have this effect on me. In fact ...

Tulips in the spring have the same effect. I am in love with tulips. I could sit and admire them all day as well.

And in the fall ...

the changing leaves have the same effect on me.

So all of this reflection got me thinking. I love the seasons. I have such an appreciation and admiration for nature and God's creation, why wouldn't I feel alive watching the seasons come and go? I feel alive at work as well like I'm right where I belong in terms of career. Now I just need to match these two up. I love the seasons up here but don't like the city feel. I love Waco but miss the seasons. When I start job searching at the end of February, I think this is something I'll be taking into consideration. Who knows where I'll end up .. Maine? New Hampshire? Wyoming?

New Beginnings!

I arrived in Catonsville late this afternoon. 18.5 hours and 1200 miles. This is the longest solo roadtrip that I've now done twice except this time it was freezing outside! I had some snow along the way too and am now crossing my fingers that I don't get sick.

Riding alone in a car on New Year's Day provides an ample amount of time to sort out one's feelings and thoughts. I had several in depth conversations with myself along with some awesome singalong song time. One of the biggest conversations that I was finally able to sort my feelings out on has to do with marriage. I even talked with my friend Ashley about this briefly. She had made a comment in a blog awhile ago along similar lines but equated hers to shopping for cars. Anyway ....

One of the biggest things that I find myself thinking about is the state of marriage in our country. All too often, I meet people who have gotten married recently and I ask them how married life is and I hear way too many times that nothing is different than before. All that's changed for them is that there is a piece of paper. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not passing judgment on anyone about their choices. I'm simply stating that I don't want this to be me. When I get married and someone asks me how it is I want to tell them that it's amazing and wonderful and more than I could have imagined it to be. This is why I refuse to live with a guy before marriage and I'm not going to engage in certain activities. I want my marriage to be sacred. I don't believe in divorce (except of course in situations such as abuse ..) and I never want to be another statistic. I have a tattoo for my grandparents that symbolizes their 50+ year marriage that was wonderful and strong and full of love. That's the kind of union that I want to have. I want to be that marriage that everyone wishes they could have.

Obviously this is a conversation that I will have with who I date. And in my head in the car it was much more eloquent but I wasn't about to write the level of detail and explanations that I had in my head in this post. All of that isn't really for the world to know ... like I said I want my relationships to be sacred and special.

Speaking of relationships ... I spoke with I last night. I get all giddy when I get a text message because I hope it's from him. It was a short conversation since he was on break at work and I had just checked into a place for the night. But at the end, he said how do they say? sweet? sweet dreams? :-) Yes, they say sweet dreams. I am so looking forward to seeing him. I have a ton of things to get done tomorrow but I secretly hope he offers to run errands with me. Fancy date, I know but we're still in the getting to know you stage. I don't need formal structure all the time. And what I'm liking about this right now is that it's a very personal private thing. Only five people know about him - my sister, the woman I live with, and three friends. It's not that I want it to be a secret, I just want to give it the best shot without the pressures from everyone about where it's going or what's going on. My sister already said something that I would have heard from a lot more people if more people knew. Other than her, my friends and Kathleen seem excited for me :-) You might be wondering why I'm writing all of this up here if it's so private? First of all, hardly anyone knows I have this blog and two, I haven't really talked about him or said his name so you have no idea who he is. It's still private :-P

But enough for now, I need to learn to be succint in my posts. No one reads the long ones!
Night!