My life's playlist

"Come Back to Me" - David Cook

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go, I'll set your free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't face you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me
Come back to me

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

You find you, come back to me
When you find you, come back to me
When you find you, come back to me

Really?

Earlier today if you would have asked me, I would have told you that I was genuinely happy with my life and where I'm headed. However, if you were to ask me right now, I think I would just answer that life sucks. I'm still excited to see where my life leads me, I'm just a little/maybe more than a little on the downside.

You see, tonight was my second date with the stranger. We started off with dinner at Baris, then watched Date Night, and then went back to his place to chat. It turned out to be simultaneously the best and worst date of my life. Oh gosh, how much I like this guy is ridiculous. We just click - never struggling to find anything to talk about ranging from which Star Trek series was the best to neighborhood revitalization, talking non stop at points and then enjoying the silence while looking at each other pondering what the other is thinking and then asking about thoughts and launching into a whole new conversation, feeling completely at ease in each other's presence. You know, just clicking. I am so comfortable around him and have even found a whole new side of me whenever I'm with him - assertive and confident and completely open and honest and 100% myself. It's liberating and freeing. I have told him how much I enjoy his company and how I find it impossible not to smile around him. He returned the sentiments. There is obvious chemistry between us.

You're probably wondering how what seems to have been such at amazing date night could also be the worst. Our lives aren't matching up at this point. I'm leaving Waco on Sunday unsure of when I will return. His funding for grad school has run out. At present, he is staying in Waco and working but possibly looking into UT Austin to finish his degree. So while one might point out that Austin is where I'm planning on living and would work if he gets into UT Austin, who knows when/if that will be. And he also used that dreaded phrase tonight "need time" to figure things out. I genuinely believe him when he says that he has had a great time hanging out with me and getting to know me. There are other reasons behind the "need time" that are not mine to divulge and which I can respect. It just sucks that I meet this amazing guy that I click with and can't wait to see and feel like time passes too quickly when we're together to only find out that everything is coming to a screeching pause (I refuse to say halt because I have some hope that I will hear from him again after "time"). Life just sucks like that. It's not easy.

So pardon me if I decide to hide under this rain cloud for awhile.

Coffee

Hmm, I had my coffee date today with the stranger. I've called my friend, Brianna, and my mom to tell them about it but I find that I struggle to find the right words to express how it went. It was amazing. It was wonderful. We had such great conversations. And, seriously, the all time best part? Definitely when he told me that one of his childhood fears was sharks in the deep end of swimming pools. I looked at him and told him that I could have hugged him right then and there. I have NEVER met anyone else who has had that fear. Granted, I still have it but it was refreshing to meet someone else who has had it.

And .... I have another date next week :-)

Stranger Danger! Revisited...

A little over a week ago, I wrote how I felt that my avoidance of strangers and social situations was limiting my life. Well, I'm here to tell you that I have really tried to work on that with some surprising results (both good AND bad).

Let's start off with the avoidance of social situations ....

My friend, Ashley, is very kindly letting me stay with her while I wrap up school. I am SOO fortunate to have friends like her ... especially since she knows how I am and makes me partake in social gatherings. She brought me to Zumba and her soccer practice and I've actually had fun.

Then this past week, I went kayaking with Brianna, Marissa, and Patty. I had such a blast with them and am so thankful that Bri didn't fall into the Brazos River. My arms actually weren't that bad the next day. I just wish we had done it sooner.

This past Friday was Katie's Bachelorette Party up in Ft. Worth at the 8.0 Bar. It was a cute little place. We sat outside and chatted with each other waiting for the 80s band to start. I had a ton of fun. I just wish I had worn more comfortable shoes! I also rode up there and back with a girl that I knew through friends and ... a stranger. I had never met the driver before but she was cool and we had some pretty cool conversations. I'll admit I fell asleep on the ride back home so I kinda missed out on the chatting then.

Now apparently something happened over the weekend. On Saturday, I went down to Austin to see my friend, Lisa, for some quality girl time and her birthday. We went bowling with some of her friends and then out to a bar in Weir, Texas (pop. 631). Now, for those of you that know me know that I don't drink, so I really have no good explanation for the picture below except that somewhere during the course of the day my avoidance of social situations and strangers flew out the door. Oh yes, this is a picture of me dancing in an empty bar by myself.

But oh does this get better. During the course of our night at the bar, a certain drunkard at the bar (okay, so there were 3 other people there besides the 6 of us) decided he wanted to dance with us. He first danced with Lisa and that's when we realized he had peed his pants. After he finished dancing with Lisa, he went back to his table and we thought that was the end of it. OH NO .... he came back at which point we were all trying to hide behind each other. I was hiding behind Lisa when he came towards her and she ran off leaving me by myself! He grabbed my hands and started dancing with me. All I could think was to make sure I avoided his pee pants. Then at the end, he grabbed me and shouted for someone to take a picture. I'm pretty sure the look on my face says it all. I don't like strangers and I don't like to be touched.

But there has been some good that has come from talking to strangers. Thursday night at the family dinner, I met Stranger. Yes, I'm calling him Stranger because the first thing I said to him was "I'm sorry, I'm not avoiding you completely on purpose, I just don't talk to strangers". Yes, yes, I did say that. Surprisingly, he answered that he didn't talk to them either. What? Can it be? Are there more people out there like me? There was some chit chat about Meyers Briggs Type Inventories (can you tell we're in social work??) and some other lovely chit chat. It's a good story. Really. Maybe one day I'll share it with you. The end of the story results in me having a date with Stranger next week ... or I guess this week. He's also asked if it would be okay with me if he came to my Colloquium. I smiled a lot that night and the next day. I'm super excited.