Mommy, wow! I'm a big girl now!

Today, K and I went to Target ..... for almost four hours. I had no idea that one could pass that amount of time in one store.

Anywho, I bought mascara.

And a briefcase.

Holy smokes, I'm growing up.

After 26 years of life, I've decided that I should probably know how to wear makeup. And this is only because in October my oldest sister is getting married and I found out that she and the other two bridesmaids are all having their makeup done for the wedding. Maybe I should do mine too? So I bought mascara. And put it on without poking my eye out.

I also got a briefcase. Cause maybe I should look professional since I'm about to graduate and go on interviews. It's red and shiny with flair. Like me.

2 months and 18 days left...

I'm starting to think the biggest challenge of grad school is the stupid research project. I started stressing about Colloquium when I applied to Baylor which has now managed to turn into anxiety attacks whenever I sit down to write my paper. I'm so terrified of presenting in May. I wish this was all a bad dream.

Tattoos

I've decided to get another tattoo :-) I'm getting the fleur de lis but not because the saints won the superbowl (amazing) but because all of my tattoos are symbolic of important people, moments, and places in my life. I don't get them because I think they're "pretty" or "cool". I get them because I like them and I like having those constant reminders or memories as part of me physically. I will never have a butterfly or japanese character tattooed on me. No. Never. Ever. There is one tattoo that I have which is my least favorite. I would like to get it redone somwhere else. Coincidentally, this one tattoo also is the most sentimental out of all of them. I hate that it's the one I like the least. Another thing with my tattoos is that I like the creative side of them. I don't like tattoos that look like the real thing. So the fleur de lis that I'm getting is not your average run of the mill fleur de lis. It's got a funky flair to it.

And back to the question of why. What significance does the fleur de lis have? I've come to the realization that I will probably never live in Louisiana again. Baton Rouge will always be my home and parts of Louisiana have captured my heart and I love that it has had that affect on me. The Atchafalaya River Basin at sunset will always be an amazing sight. However, I have learned that you do not have to be "home". "Home" is something that you can carry with you tucked away in the corners of your heart brought to surface by visual reminders. This is the case for me when I look at the night sky. My mother and I were terrible at finding constellations but could always find Orion's Belt. When I moved away almost five years ago, Orion's Belt provided a sense of comfort to me as I remembered all those times my mom and I stood outside trying to find the Big Dipper or the Little Dipper or anything beside Orion's Belt. So of course it made perfect sense when I chose to get a tattoo of Orion's Belt. It might as well have said MOM in a big red heart but like I said, I like the creativity aspect. These reminders of whole have come to surface this past football season as everytime I see a fleur de lis, I am transported back to Louisiana and all the fond memories that I have of my home.

Tired of the same old

Hmm.

Different hair color? New tattoo? Different hair color? New tattoo?

Eenie Meenie Minie Mo

All I Can Say...

I cannot wait until I graduate. Seriously. And I think grad students lie to grad students behind them in school so that they don't lose hope and give up. My first semester everyone ahead of me said don't worry this is the hardest semester. Then, the second semester was harder. I was told not to worry because it was really the hardest one. Third semester was insane with the amount of work. And here I am now, in my final semester. I feel so overwhelmed with school work. I'm burnt out. And everyone said this one was the easiest. I also understand that I have more work than the other students in my cohort because my supervisor thought it would be a good learning tool for me to write process recordings each week. Good grief. I also have a weekly log and a research paper. But those are the manageable things. What is killing me are the process recordings and a paper I'm working on for internship.

I cannot wait to graduate. I cannot wait to be done with papers. I cannot wait to be done with process recordings. I cannot wait to be done with journals. Or research papers. Or homework. Or Capstone.

I cannot wait to sleep. I cannot wait to have a life. I cannot wait to be able to practice social work without being micro managed.

3 months 6 days

Checking in ...

I've been thinking a lot lately. Every year, I make resolutions that I truly want to keep. A week goes by and I'm following them and then a month and soon enough I've even forgotten what my resolutions were. So, in order to hold myself accountable, at the beginning of each month I'm going to check in to see how I'm coming along.

1) To live simply -- Hmm, this is still hard for me. BUT I did manage to spend 60% less than what I spent in January 2009. Hopefully, this will continue to improve. I admit, I bought clothes. Some of it I needed, most I probably could have gone without. I am getting good at online window shopping. I'll fill my cart and then close the browser. It takes a lot of will power.

2) To be happy -- This one involves spending more time with friends both old and new. I'm slowly getting better at this. I did make it down to see my friend, Cupcake, this past weekend even though I didn't know anyone else at her get together. And this Friday, the SW Interns are getting together, and, on Sunday, I'm heading down to a Superbowl party where I won't know a lot of the people. It's scary for me to go places with strangers but I end up enjoying myself. I need to work on calling my friends more. I did call one of my friends who is in a different time zone one night. It was good to catch up after I explained there wasn't an emergency and I really was awake at 1:30 in the morning :-)

3) To love freely -- This could be another post in itself. I will admit that I through myself willingly into the relationship with I. But I have also decided that I am a great person and if someone wants to be with me then they'll do whatever it takes including phone calls, dates, and all that romantic mushy stuff. I'm not quite ready to give up on I but, at the same time, I'm not holding my breath.

4) To take care of myself body and soul -- Ah, finally a resolution that I feel like I'm making progress on! It's amazing the difference a diet free of fast food and junk food makes. I feel better, and I think I look better. I've been snacking a lot on fruits and veggies too. I have been practicing a lot of self care as well. I wind down in the evenings and have done a good job of leaving work at work. I would still like to start working out but it needs to stop snowing first!

5) To be more positive -- If I were being graded, I'd get an F. Enough said. I really need to stop gossiping. Although I think there's a fine line between gossiping and venting. I need to find a healthier and more positive outlet.

6) To live a greener life -- I've been using my reusable lunch bag and water bottle. I also went to the store and bought two mugs so that I don't use the styrofoam ones at work. I don't make meaningless trips out so I conserve gas and reduce pollution. I think I'm doing okay with this one. I should probably start recycling more at work.


Ok, I think I'm doing okay. Obviously, I still have room for some growth. We'll see how this month goes.