Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I really need to sleep ...


A lot of thoughts have been going through my mind lately. I have friends who have blogs and one of them is so amazingly eloquent and insightful, I'm highly jealous. But I realize that I have things that I need to get out of my head and written down. Maybe it'll be eloquent and maybe it won't make any sense at all. But tonight is not the night to start. I need to go to sleep so I can get to work early.

Anywho, in posts to come I hope to be able to work out my rambling thoughts on ...

- agapé love
- homelessness (including my new friend, Jimmy)
- the future
- striving to live a life as God's instrument
- really figuring out what I'm being called to do

But those will have to wait ...



Sunday, January 31, 2010

Snow

Yesterday, the weather was a balmy 16 degrees, and we received 5-6 inches of snowfall. My friend, Cupcake, was having a game night at her place in Alexandria, and I was not about to let a little snowfall stop me from going. After all, I had made a king cake just for the occasion (even if it was my worst king cake to date - I blame the dough). While Cupcake is only 45 minutes from where I'm living, it took a little longer to get there because the roads had not been properly cleared. This means that I had a lot of time to think. And, boy, did I think.

I love snow. Seriously. I could sit in a window for hours watching it fall and blanket the earth. There is a serene, calmness that comes with fresh snowfall. It's incredible. I love standing outside with the snow falling around me listening to the .. well, nothing. It's an experience that is very hard to articulate. I love how the snow crunches under your shoes and makes your feet sink as you walk. I love the fact that in the middle of the night, it's still light out because the snow is reflecting light. I love that with snow there is a sense of innocence and rebirth. I just plain love snow.

I know that I tell people here that I hate it but really what I hate is snowfall in the city. It doesn't have the same effect on me as snowfall out in rural areas. It has the opposite effect in fact. It's dirty and brown and disgusting. I don't like walking in it, and I don't like seeing it. It doesn't stay fresh and innocent as long as the rural snow does. It only lasts about a day ... or until the plow trucks and sidewalk people begin clearing it all.

But rural snowfall has a strong hold on me. It has the ability to bring me to tears and fill me with amazement, awe, and reverence. I love this effect it has on me and, at most times, I can hold back the tears. I'm amazed that something like snow can have such an effect on me. The beauty of it can take my breath away. And it makes me feel alive. On the way home from Cupcake's last night, I was tempted to take a detour into the District and walk the National Mall nevermind it was midnight. The National Mall covered in snow was one of the most gorgeous sights I have ever seen. Again, I was filled with amazement and reverence and felt alive. I had to remind myself that taking a detour in 16 degree weather to walk through snow when not properly attired was not the smartest decision so I drove on. Between Baltimore and DC, there is the Baltimore-Washington Parkway (original, I know). It's designated as a state park so there aren't any buildings along the drive - just trees and nature. My drive last night was so beautiful. I was tempted many times to pull over and walk through the new fallen snow but had to continuously remind myself that it wasn't a smart idea. I drove along in deep thought about the fact that something like this could make me feel alive in a way I didn't know.

Then I began to realize that snow is not the only thing to have this effect on me. In fact ...

Tulips in the spring have the same effect. I am in love with tulips. I could sit and admire them all day as well.

And in the fall ...

the changing leaves have the same effect on me.

So all of this reflection got me thinking. I love the seasons. I have such an appreciation and admiration for nature and God's creation, why wouldn't I feel alive watching the seasons come and go? I feel alive at work as well like I'm right where I belong in terms of career. Now I just need to match these two up. I love the seasons up here but don't like the city feel. I love Waco but miss the seasons. When I start job searching at the end of February, I think this is something I'll be taking into consideration. Who knows where I'll end up .. Maine? New Hampshire? Wyoming?

Monday, January 4, 2010

Good night!

So today was our third get together. We had a nice long breakfast before I went to work. It was comfortable without pressure. Tomorrow night, we're doing something. I don't know what yet cause he won't tell me. And Saturday, we're driving to DC and taking Tango dance lessons!

I had mentioned before that I felt as though my next relationship was going to suffer because of the way I was treated in my last one. I thought about that tonight and realize that I don't view it that way anymore. My next relationship is going to be so much stronger because of what happened. I am going to make sure that everything happens slowly and is that much more sacred. Can't wait to see what the next couple of days bring!