Home is where the heart is??

I have wrapped up my time up north and find myself back in Waco for the next month getting ready for graduation and the dreaded licensing exam. I thoroughly enjoyed my internship and am desperately hoping for a job at Hopkins.

In other news, since coming back to Waco, I have heard the same two comments repeatedly, one - "What are your plans after you graduate?" and two - "Welcome home!". These have got me thinking and I don't know that I like the feelings the illicit.

I don't know what my plans are after I graduate. Currently, I'm unemployed and therefore will be heading back to my parents' house in Baton Rouge. This response usually results in a follow up question of where am I applying for a job. Everywhere. I don't have any geographic ties or any reason to go or stay somewhere. That might be liberating for some but it's getting old. Since I graduated undergrad, I have lived in six different cities in five different states. I like to think that I was born under a wandering star but I'm starting to get to the point where I wouldn't mind settling down. I just have no idea where that place is.

And then the subject of home. I don't know where home is anymore. It's not in Baton Rouge anymore. At some point that transitioned to the town that I grew up in or my parents' home - not mine. I don't feel like Waco is home anymore or Catonsville where I just was. I don't feel like I have a home. I might sound like I'm having a pity party of one but it's really something that I've been thinking about lately. I don't know where my life is headed or where "home" is. My stuff has been in storage over the past five years longer than it's been out. I've only had my name on a lease for 16 months out of 60 months. And I meet DHHS's definition of homeless. That's crazy.

I'm ready to find a job and settle down.

Tattoos

I've decided to get another tattoo :-) I'm getting the fleur de lis but not because the saints won the superbowl (amazing) but because all of my tattoos are symbolic of important people, moments, and places in my life. I don't get them because I think they're "pretty" or "cool". I get them because I like them and I like having those constant reminders or memories as part of me physically. I will never have a butterfly or japanese character tattooed on me. No. Never. Ever. There is one tattoo that I have which is my least favorite. I would like to get it redone somwhere else. Coincidentally, this one tattoo also is the most sentimental out of all of them. I hate that it's the one I like the least. Another thing with my tattoos is that I like the creative side of them. I don't like tattoos that look like the real thing. So the fleur de lis that I'm getting is not your average run of the mill fleur de lis. It's got a funky flair to it.

And back to the question of why. What significance does the fleur de lis have? I've come to the realization that I will probably never live in Louisiana again. Baton Rouge will always be my home and parts of Louisiana have captured my heart and I love that it has had that affect on me. The Atchafalaya River Basin at sunset will always be an amazing sight. However, I have learned that you do not have to be "home". "Home" is something that you can carry with you tucked away in the corners of your heart brought to surface by visual reminders. This is the case for me when I look at the night sky. My mother and I were terrible at finding constellations but could always find Orion's Belt. When I moved away almost five years ago, Orion's Belt provided a sense of comfort to me as I remembered all those times my mom and I stood outside trying to find the Big Dipper or the Little Dipper or anything beside Orion's Belt. So of course it made perfect sense when I chose to get a tattoo of Orion's Belt. It might as well have said MOM in a big red heart but like I said, I like the creativity aspect. These reminders of whole have come to surface this past football season as everytime I see a fleur de lis, I am transported back to Louisiana and all the fond memories that I have of my home.