Pity Party of One

So I have no idea what's gotten into me lately. In two weeks, I'm going to be 26. Twenty-six. I haven't had a problem turning any age until now. I thought I would be weirded out when I turned 25 because I could never picture my life past it but I had no problem. I'm wondering if that's why I'm so ..... hesitant? anxious? unsure? completely against? .... turning 26. It means that 25 has come and gone and honestly, I have no idea what I want my life to look like. I have goals and dreams but for as long as I could remember, I could never picture my life past 25. I have no idea what that means but it kind of freaks me out. So, in two weeks, I'm going to be old. As I think about my life and everything I've done so far, I've accomplished a lot and I'm happy with where I'm headed career wise. Seriously, I cannot even wait to start my internship and my career after that. But I had better hopes for my personal life, I guess. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm so happy to be out of my last relationship. It was incredibly unhealthy and NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. I'm sorry that I stayed in it for so long but hindsight is always 20/20. I'll be honest though, I'm ready to settle down. But I'm an introvert and I don't go out and meet new people. It's terrifying .... SO .... if I don't go out and meet new people, how am I supposed to find someone? Ugh. I just thought everything would be different.
So with my birthday coming around the corner, I feel that it's time that maybe I take action. I deserve a great guy and a great guy deserves me. I've already said that I'm not settling and I won't. But is it too much to ask for maybe a date for my birthday? For a couple hours to go out and forget about the chaos that is my life? I'm tired of being stalked and harrassed. I would like to have a couple hours - dinner and a movie with a nice guy. Seriously. We'll see if I get some guts as it gets closer .....

I love Etsy!

I just bought this messenger bag ...

So cute!

And this lunchbag!

And how cute is this ring??

Getting excited!

Ok .. so I've known that I'm heading out of here in December and, for the most part, I'm pretty sad about it. Waco has definitely grown on me and I love everyone that I've met along my way. That doesn't mean that I'll never be back but it does increase the chance of that happening. I've been pretty hesitant about my upcoming move for several reasons with the biggest being my fear of change followed closely a worry that someone can't let go of a past relationship (but that's a story for another day or probably never). I can see God's hand in my journey to this point in my life and, well, He has chosen some pretty odd vehicles along the way. I do trust that He will continue to guide me wherever it is that I'm meant to be. BUT. I'm still worried. I really have a lot of trouble with this whole "let go and let God" philosophy. I mean I love it and I think it's absolutely wonderful but my letting go still involves a whole lot of worry. I'm trying though. I really have started off this new school year with a new frame of mind. I'm trying to reach outside of my comfort zone and grow as a person. I think it would be much easier to do if I wasn't drowning in school work.

Speaking of school work. I'm supposed to writing my intro and rationale to my research project that I will be presenting on in May. I LOVE my topic and am so excited about doing research on it because I know that I will personally benefit from it and I hope that others will too. However, I've been trying to write this thing all day. Turns out my concentration is shot to pieces when I'm sick. I have not felt this bad since April 2007 when I couldn't walk because I was in so much pain. The symptoms seem to change based on the day and I'm not sure what's causing it all. I'm not a doctor. I do know that I have laryngitis. AGAIN. Seriously, it wasn't fun the first time around and I think I proved to everyone my lack of ability to not talk - even when my voice is gone. I had a horrible fever and muscle pain Thursday night and for me to be experiencing muscle pain beyond what I feel on a daily basis is pretty unusual. I was beyond miserable. So I've been sleeping a lot and drinking a ton of peppermint tea. Anyway, I feel that when I'm really sick, I just can't focus. Hence the fact that it's 2:35am and I'm still only 20% done with my assignment. What I have done is:
- swept the floors
- learned the lyrics to MC Young's Bust a Move
- washed dishes
- tried to learn the Crank That dance
- played fetch with Bella
- took pictures of the baby snake outside
- tried on all the coats and jackets in my hall closet

And this last one is why I'm excited. I'm so nervous and hesitant about moving but for some reason trying on the coats and jackets has now made me excited. I have three trench coats - khaki, black, and hot pink (which is my favorite!) and three coats - black, brown, and black/white plaid. I cannot wait to wear these again! Texas does not have the right weather for winter wear and I don't recall really wearing a decent coat this past year. I just love being able to wear coats because that means that it's a brisk fall day with the leaves changing from their normal lush green colors into reds, yellows, oranges, and pinks. I love fall and then winter when it snows and there's a silence that falls on the land that you don't hear unless it's snowing. Amazing. So I guess I'm finally getting excited about my move. Now if only I could convince my friends to move with me ....

What a girl wants ..

I don't know if it's because my birthday is coming up or what it is but I'm ready to settle down and have a family. I don't know why but I've just had really strong feelings lately about what I want. It could also be just that I finally feel like I can move on from my past relationship. I'm still scared about the idea of another relationship just because the last one was so bad. I truly thought that he was a genuinely nice guy but that was definitely not who he was. I know that I've grown and I know what I want in a relationship but I'm still scared to open myself up for someone new. I just feel conflicted right now I guess. I definitely want a family with a husband and kids but I don't feel as though I'm ready to put myself out there. I hate to say it but my next relationship will in some part be paying for the mistakes of my last relationship. My hope though is that my hesitations will just make my next relationship better and stronger. I know this is rambling but oh well these are my thoughts. So yeah, I guess I'm ready to date again ... I deserve a genuinely nice guy and I'm not settling for what I want either.

No Impact Project

Uh oh ... this seems like something totally up my alley. Just a matter of when I can do it. Hmmm.
http://noimpactproject.org/

Thanks for nothing..

So everyone who just happened to drive past the intersection of Bosque and Valley Mills today at about noon and saw a broken down van ... thanks for nothing. 40 minutes in the hot sun and no AC later, Ashley finally saved us. I was amazed by the amount of people that, when the light was red, rolled down their windows to ask if we were having trouble. Nah, we're just airing out the engine. Of course we're having trouble. Why else would we be sitting at the light with the hood up? Out of all the people that drove by only one guy tried to help who looked a lot like the guy from Pirates of the Caribbean. I kept staring trying not to be too obvious. So thank goodness, the Chrysler 300 has the battery in the trunk. This is the second time that Ashley has saved the day ... or I guess attempted since the first one wasn't actually successful. On the plus side, I'm getting great at using jumper cables!