I saw my first dead body today. He looked so peaceful and frail. I found out though in the room that I have a weird fear (which before I say it, I would like to point out that I'm not the only one - R said he had it too!). I suddenly worried that he was going to sit up and open his eyes .. almost zombie like. I found out later that dead people can have muscle spasms and even possibly take a breath. Freaky. R said he would probably yelp if that happened to him.
I got in a heated argument with my supervisor. I hate confrontation. I avoid it. But I was told that if I didn't speak up then the next intern she got would be treated the same way. I said that by now I would have hoped that I had proven that I'm a detail oriented person who is capable of getting her work done and that I think she could trust me a little more. She said that she doesn't trust anyone and that these were our patients' lives that we were dealing with. I took offense to that and stated that I was aware that these were lives we were working with and I would NEVER do anything that would jeopardize their health which I thought I had already demonstrated when I found out that a nurse hadn't discharged my client with the necessary medications. She went on to say that she hovered and that wasn't going to change. I said that I felt like she was treating me like I was incompetent. She said that she didn't think I was incompetent and that couldn't I see that because she praised me a lot to which I responded that yes, she praised me and I appreciated that but I was just asking for three more feet on the leash. End of story - she said it wasn't going to change. Great....
There was a lot of death, pain, and sadness on the unit this week. It just wears on you. I love that I am there for these families but I grieve for all the ripple losses that they'll experience after their loved one dies.
I'm so ready for a change. I'm heading to Philly this weekend. I need to get away.
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